I’ve had this post in my head for MONTHS, but here I am, with a towel on my head, trying to get it posted before I leave to collect the girls (who had a sleepover at Grandma’s last night). It’s pretty personal, but somehow it seems appropriate for me to document this memory in this space.
This morning my husband gave me this sweet bouquet of flowers from our garden (they’re a bit battered and bruised because it’s been pretty wet here this week). Mainly it’s all about the gardenias (ah, their perfume!) because today it has been TEN YEARS since I gave birth to my second child, Caitlin, who was born still.
And on the day of her funeral there was one perfect gardenia in our garden.
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| The quilt we were given in the hospital – THANK YOU GENEROUS QUILTERS – it has a little bit of her cord blood on it, which I’m crazy happy about, and a sweet tiny teddy a friend made for her. |
She’s moulded our lives for the better in ways we would never have known about, had she been able to stay. I now understand more and love more, but as anyone who has known grief knows, sometimes it sneaks up on you and you have to go with it. She’s definitely made me a better, softer, mother.
So thank you Caitlin, darling child of mine.
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A beautiful and heartfelt post, Anna. Despite it happening 10 years ago, I feel the need to say that I’m so sorry for your loss….it must have been a very heart-wrenching experience for you and your husband. My childhood friend went through a stillbirth nearly thirty years ago and I still remember the heartbreak and anguish. What cherished keepsakes you have in Caitlin’s memory….oh so precious.
Gardenias are such beautiful flowers….my gardenia bush is in bloom right now also and I LOVE their perfume!
Love, light and peace,
Serena
Thanks Serena. I know it’s been a long time now, but sometimes it does feel like yesterday.
Love love love to you Anna. I think of you and Caitlyn more often that you’ll ever know.
Thanks Jodie! I remember having to tell you. Awful. Can’t believe it’s been 10 years.
I’m so very sorry for your loss Anna. I’ve been reading through your blog after finding you on creative spaces. I couldn’t read this and not tell me how much my heart goes out to you. xxxxoooo